Healing the Father Wound

The father wound is not something we hear about as much as the mother wound, but it does exist. The father wound is a deficiency from the absence (or perceived absence) of love from your birth father or your caretaker. It could be intentional or unintentional.

The absence can occur through a variety of ways: divorce, abandonment (physical or emotional), death, or even addiction. When children are young, they often internalize the wound. This creates a void that can carry into adulthood.

If you have the father wound, rest assured that the behavior of your father has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. Chances are, the father that inflicted the wound did so because he didn’t know any other way to be. Fathers are people with problems and wounds. Becoming a father or a mother doesn’t mean that the individual experiences healing. Healing only happens once the person becomes conscious of the wound and then does the work to heal it.

Men with the father wound often grow up not knowing how to be fathers and partners. Women with the father wound often grow up looking for approval and validation from men. This can express as being sexually promiscuous, over giving, and/or attracting emotionally unavailable men. In essence, adults with the unhealed father wound end up re-living the wound repeatedly.

How do you heal it?

Tell the truth to yourself about your experience. Acknowledge it so that you can be open to healing it.
State the facts instead of making up stories about why your father did the things he did. For instance, if your father disappointed you, own that he disappointed you. Don’t start making a story up about him not loving you, or about you being unworthy. Be honest about the facts and release the rest of the story.
Acknowledge that your father is human. He may not have been what you needed him to be. However, you’re still worthy, whole and complete all by yourself.
Realize that all of the qualities that you desire in a father or a male exist in you. Every person has yin and yang energy. Start to look at those qualities and give them to yourself. If you are looking for connection, how can you start connecting with yourself? Is it protection? How do you protect yourself? Is it strength? How can you increase your strength? Identify the quality and begin developing it within yourself.
Find models of healthy men who have loving connected relationships, and learn from them.
Become conscious of people in your life who trigger the wound inside you. As you work on healing it, you will begin to shift and release it. If a person continually opens the wound, you may want to limit your interaction with the person, if possible.
Forgiveness is always a transformational practice. I have a forgiveness process that is layered with energy healing here.

You are valuable, you are capable, and you can heal this. I have a free healing to assist here.

For more information on the father wound a healing, listen to my podcast on the topic.